The greatest liar that has ever lived...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-John 10:10 (NIV)

     A few weeks ago I had heard my pastor say something during a message that made me realize something for the first time in my life. It's something that should be rather obvious but I guess I had never really thought of it before. He said, that the enemy was the greatest liar that has ever lived. I mean I knew it but I guess I didn't realize the extent of what that meant. The reason I mention this is one of the biggest struggles I have is dealing with self-condemnation. Well, the scriptures say in Romans 8:1-2:Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. So if there is no condemnation in Christ, where does it come from?

     It is crazy because it just sneaks up on you. The voices in your head that just start to haunt you and tear you down. It can even stop you from eating and sleeping. It distracts you. It really starts to consume you. You isolate. You don't feel like yourself. You get angry and bitter. You feel so far from God. I'm sure many of you know what I am talking about. Maybe some of you don't even realize that it is coming from the enemy. If you don't know what I am talking about or haven't experienced it...then you are perfect and I'm rather jealous. haha 

     So are you ready to hear about quite an adventure...? I feel like God has told me to share these moments in my life because others can relate and God wants to speak through it. Most of the time when I struggle I don't publicize it on my facebook. I like to walk in humility and be transparent to the world...I have nothing to hide but I want to use my facebook as an encouragement to others. Another reason why I started this blog is I can share my heart and my experiences and just be real without running out of room on a status update. 

    Last week my whole world went upside down and the enemy put me in a tailspin. I thought I was doing great and I thought I was walking in the authority I had over the enemy...that was until it was put to the test. I was caught off guard. No need to go completely into detail about what happened but I will tell you that not only will the enemy lie to you but he will amplify the problems you are having. I had a situation happen where the enemy twisted the words I was hearing. All of a sudden I was in a place of questioning my identity and the calling God has on my life. I was confused and lost. I was even starting to get angry at God! I was angry because I didn't know what to do. My heart started to get bitter and I was putting up walls. All I wanted to do was be alone. It was honestly the first time in a long time that all I could do was cry and get on my knees and pray. But it didn't seem to work.  You are worthless. You are not good enough. You are just a little girl. You have nothing to offer. You think your special?! You are ugly. You are still the same selfish girl you used to be. When is this goody-too shoe act going to end? You think you are actually going to change the world?! You are just a drug addict and a whore. We will see how long you last. They don't love you or trust you. You did have power and authority but you walked away from it. The terrible lies just kept feeding off of each other  and getting worse. I wanted to scream! Before too long I was having some thoughts I hadn't had in a long time. To explain how intense it was...I had thoughts of using again! I couldn't believe that...that would actually go through my mind again. I would never ever ever honestly want to use drugs or alcohol again. That's when I realized how strong of a hold the enemy had on me at that point. 

    I'm not blaming anyone for what happened. I felt like a lot of the circumstances of different little things that happened during the week just made me FEEL worthless. But that's just the thing I was getting hurt by people and I CHOSE to get hurt and offended. Now that's another thing I struggle with. It's hard for me to accept that getting hurt is a choice. Should I repeat that again?! Taking offense or getting hurt is a CHOICE! My pride doesn't like to admit that. We choose to allow others to hurt us or get offended and if we are confident in our walk in the authority and identity of the Lord it honestly shouldn't matter what is said to us because we ultimately know who our God says we are! We end up taking our eyes off of God and all of a sudden it becomes about ourselves. He did this... She did that... He said this... Well, I am better than that. I will show them what they are missing. These are things that I have said and I'm sure most of us have. So not only was the enemy tearing me down but also trying to make me feel self-righteous and with a heart of revenge. It was all about how I was feeling. Again there getting caught up in myself again! 

Self-righteousness. Self-condemnation. Pride. Bitterness. Resentment. Offense. Lying.

     I don't know if you notice a trend but all of these somehow connect to the lies and the schemes of the enemy. I once was glorifying him and fighting in his army and now I am not...he doesn't like that. He knows my weaknesses, he knows my faults, and he thinks he knows how to drag me back in. I know God allowed my identity to get tested last week. Not because he wants to see me fail but because he wants to see me rise above! The enemy may be the greatest liar that has ever lived and he may be good at what he does...but my God is so much bigger! It's time for us to rise up in our authority over the enemy and stand up and fight in God's army DECLARING who we are and who our God is! I am a beautiful woman of God and through the trials and the pain my love only grows deeper for my Lord! 

Signing off-Little Bird

I Decided to Really Kiss Dating Goodbye

“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.”-Joshua Harris

     Joshua Harris at the age of 21 years old wrote his book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. The book is his personal journey as he stops dating to discover what true love is and to understand what that means with his relationship with Christ. I had read the book growing up, probably in my early teens. I thought it was a great story but not actually something I would consider in my own life. Now here I am at 21 years old and I am in a place where I have decided to kiss dating goodbye! Now you probably think I am crazy...kiss dating goodbye?! Now before you stop reading and think I'm going to the extreme here...let me explain myself a little bit.

     It wasn't really what I had planned at all for myself. I had always thought that I was going to be married and was going to start a family at a semi young age. It's been one of my deepest desires since I was a little girl. I have been on that search for Mr. Right since I was 13 years old. Years of heartbreak led me to believe that true love was only a dream. Truth is that dream came true but it wasn't what God had planned for me. A nightmare as a marriage filled with drugs and physically abuse doesn't ever last or end well. I will mention more of my testimony and story in time. The search continued to find that man; this time a sober and Godly one. Well, after being sober a year and finding a Godly man; I thought I finally had it all. Engaged to be married again and after a 6 month missionary trip in Australia...I came back and God spoke to me! He spoke to me loud and clear and this time I couldn't avoid it or ignore it anymore. God told me to lay down my rights to my relationship and my future marriage. "You want me to do what?" I honestly didn't want to. It didn't take long for me to feel and see that things were different with the relationship. Finally God said to me, "When are you going to listen to me Krystle?". Listen to what? I tend to play dumb with God sometimes. I knew what he was talking about and that was the one thing holding me back from surrendering my all! Now many who know me can attest as they have watch me throughout the years going through hell and back out of a crazy drug addiction that I can be a very stubborn person. I was being stubborn but I was also very scared. Scared to be alone...that is.

     That's when I realized I have never been without a boyfriend since I started dating with the expectancy to find the ONE who would love me forever and live happily ever after. I was so desperate to find that person that I would do anything to keep them. I would change my identity morphing into whatever they were. I would use sex to try and get love and get that temporary fix but it didn't take long for me to feel empty again. Because of this life I lived I felt dirty and imperfect and like a failure. But the cycle continued for a temporary fix of comfort that I would hunger for more and more of it.

    So now back to the present...I didn't realize how much I still long for that constant comfort of a man. My relationship with God was better that it has ever been since I recommitted my life back to Christ July 28th 2012. But still something just felt heavy, wrong, and like something was missing. I finally decided to lay down that relationship to God. After I did that I was kind of hoping that it was one of those times where I surrender...lay it down...and the God says you can have it back. Not this time... This time God said let go completely! WHAT?! But...but...that means I will be alone. That was painful to swallow.   

    I finally am just starting to understood while God was telling me to let go...I am not alone at all! I have an almighty God...my Creator...my Father that is jealous for me and is with me everywhere I go! But truth is I haven't made him my God in my relationships with guys. Those guys end up becoming my God/idol! God knew that I wasn't ready to get married. He know that I am still healing from the past. He knows what is in the depths of my heart. He knows me better than I know myself. He loves me more than anyone could love me. He's never loved me any less or tried to change who I am. Truth is I have never known who I am without a guy by my side. I've honestly lost the understanding of what the words I love you mean. It breaks my heart that I abused love and sex for what God intended it to be for. I had asked God to restore that part of me that is desensitized to it a long time ago but I never gave God the chance to actually do the work. I realized that laying that relationship down was the best thing I could do. But God wasn't done with me yet...in fact I'm sure I know he still isn't but I don't want to jinx it again. On New Year's Eve this past year I had found out one of my close friends had gotten engaged. It was hard to hear because of what I had just done with breaking not only my engagement but also my relationship. I just love how all of a sudden now all of my friends are now getting engaged and having babies. No seriously I am really happy for everyone! But seriously what next God? I advise to be careful what you pray from and ask for because God will answer it. That night God had told told me no dating for at least a year! A YEAR?! ME?! NO DATING?! Yes, all of you who know me probably laugh and think that yes that's a long time and seems impossible for me! I decided to watch what I said after that.

     So this brings me to where I am now...I have chosen to not date at all for at least a year...maybe more. It's a choice! Yes God is telling me to do something and I am being obedient because I know God wants to do so much in me and through me this next year! I have a couple of great jobs as I am blessed to work in full time ministry at Loved-Ones Against Meth Ministries. I know there's much growth that God wants to do through that. I am involved in so much right now! But the most important thing I am doing is falling in love...with God! I want to not just say it but mean it when I say one day...that...he is my EVERYTHING! I want to know what his love is all about and to be able to believe in love again! 

     I felt God lead me to start writing this blog to be able to humbly share my testimony and journey with others and hopefully be able to speak truth into others lives! I want to be a light to women and youth women! 

    Signing off...this little bird has to fly away but will return shortly with more stories of my journey! Have a blessed day!